*Odysseus: Registered Nurse *Hogwarts Mental Health Institution *Disciplining the Mind * Trick or Treat with Reality *Psychiatric resort*

All epic heroes must go through a rigorous journey. They must be faced with daunting obstacles and meet ruthless brutes. Their lives will be filled with sights and sounds never experienced by the mere mortals that we are.
I am an epic hero. Like Odysseus before me I have battled the fiendish evils of nursing school. I have met biochemistry and I have survived. And as Odysseus explored the strange worlds of the sirens, I too fraternize with the secret societies of this world. I go to clinical rotations.
My service in the psychiatric hospital has left me with great respect for the brave psychiatrists in this world. Every morning, these mental warriors take their sanity into their own hands as they descend into an unseen world of mystery and magic. It’s like Hogwarts with straight jackets.
I find myself less impressed with the Harry Potter movies after my time in the psychiatric hospital. Imitation is not as remarkable once you have experienced the reality. Wizards? Unit G. Flying furniture? Equipped with restraints. Suspicious doors filled with wonder? Only the staff has keys. Harry Potters? Rooms 146, 138, 210 and 183. Psychics? Units C and I. Mysterious voices? Always. Potions? Every morning at eight and then again at two. Throw in a broomstick and a physician named Dumbledore and J.K. Rowling would have been sued for plagiarism.
One has to question the judgment of those living across the street from this facility. Or the one next door to it. Or the facility next to that. I had always heard the hackneyed phrase in real estate, “location, location, location.” I did not realize that this translated “mental institution, mental institution, mental institution”, for there are in fact three mental institutions within two hundred yards of these apartment complexes. So obviously the view isn’t great. The neighbors are not very sociable. I’m starting to think that they are being overcharged, no matter what they are paying.
Maybe there are some benefits to living across from a mental hospital. Maybe these are parents who really needed help disciplining their children.
“Eat your vegetables or you’re going across the road.”
“If you don’t stop bouncing off the walls I’ll send you to a place with padded walls.”
“You sass me again and I’ll commit you.”
I wonder if they ever took the opportunity to celebrate holidays with their reclusive neighbors. Especially Halloween. The residents of these hospitals must look forward to it every year. For once a year, everyone sees his or her delusions. Imagine the bonding as they pass their hallucinations from door to door. It must be a real time of gloating to the psychiatrist.
“Dr. Dumbledore, I would like to introduce you to the pirate that I’ve been telling you about.”
“Nurse Voldemort, have you met this pink rabbit? See, despite your medications and poisons she came back.”
“Oh hello doctor! I have a question, do you see the giant fairy over there? Me too. All the time.”
Although when one considers the traditions of Halloween, I often wonder how the hospitals are not crowded. Where exactly is the line drawn? It’s OK to dress up as mystical creature and bother people at their homes for candy and food. But it’s not OK to see mystical creatures and bother people on the streets for food? So who is splitting hairs and sending people to the mental institutes?
Between the group therapies and the bologna sandwich parties, I find myself actually somewhat envious. How wonderful would it be to cut loose and just enjoy life uninhibited? No social rules whatsoever. All attire, speech, ideas are totally free from regulation.
Now, don’t misunderstand me, I do not wish to be committed. I just wish there was a happy in between. Maybe like a psychiatric resort. Check in for a weekend. Enjoy the serenity of Christmas songs played during breakfast. Play your tennis with some obsessive-compulsive tendencies. Release some energy during a group therapy. Claim to be carrying Michael Jackson’s baby. Cheat during Bingo. Take some Xanax with your French Toast. No judgment, no rules. Just check your sanity at the door.